Refuse to run

This is it.

…what I've been asking for as long as I can remember. 

God, rid me of everything else but You. I want to live completely by Your will for me.

I've been uncomfortable. Physically, spiritually and, emotionally. 

That can't be what I was implying, though, right? 

But it is. Do I take it all back? Was I kidding myself for wanting this? 

Saying yes to you, God, feels so good at the start. I am on top of the world. The largeness and significance is uplifting. Is that the only reason I am traveling? So people will think of me as important? 

The missionary. So wise beyond her years. God has something BIG in store for her. 

What about when they don't? What if they see me as, heaven forbid… normal? Will I still be satisfied with only You? I hope so.

I've missed out on so much back home. Or rather, what feels like much.

But I also don't want to be the person who isn't willing to stay (or in this case, go) during the doubtful seasons. I don't want to be a runner at the first glance of sacrifice. Anything that isn't complete commitment is not really commitment at all. 

When I say yes to You, I am saying NO to anything else. Even if it means I will be hidden and unseen by the world. Even if it means doing what I am not always "in the mood for". Even if it means doing what the world sees as foolish and impossible. Even if it means… I can't believe I'm saying this…staying home. 

Whatever it is, Jesus. I surrender. No conditions. No exceptions. No take-backs.